Goodbye To You.

You will never know what I went through.
You will never understand it.
You WILL NEVER hurt as much as I hurt.

You didn't have to do what I did.
You didn't have to make that final choice.
You didn't have to sit and say that you wanted that to happen.

After everything.
After all we had.
This is what we have become.
Everything we said we'd never be.
I guess I should've expected as much.

Forget The Things We Swore We Meant.

After everything we've been through, you still manage to ignore the hurt in my voice when you let me down.
It's as if you could give a shit less about what you're doing to me.
And to think, I've always been there for you.
You were an angel to me; I held you so high.
Perfect, I would say.
But, all you ever did was prove me wrong.
Of course, I ignored it.
I did my best to defend; to believe in you.
In the end, you just let me down.
You hurt me more than anyone I've ever known.
Constant lies.
Constant deceit.

Constant disappointment.
From you I've learned that promises are nothing more than lies with pretty ribbons tied tight around them.
From you I've learned to expect the least from the people I think the highest of.
From you I've learned that you can't count on anyone but yourself.
And never again will I give my all to someone the way I gave it all to you.

I'm Amazed By You.

It amazes me how the littlest things can tear people apart.
It amazes me how much you can care about someone, and get absolutely nothing in return.
It amazes me how people can't see the truth when it's spread out right in front of them.
It amazes me.

In Your Daughter's Eyes.

You are an inspiration.
You are a secret holder.

You are a protector.
You are a guardian angel.
You're a superhero.
You're a defender.

You are the strongest person I know.

You are a role model.
You're beautiful.
You are a genious.

You are a teacher.
You're a fighter.
You are accomplished.


You are a mother.


You are everything you think you're not.
Everything, and so much more.


You make my days brighter with every word of encouragement.

You taught me how to be strong and independant.
You helped me through my toughest moments.
You stood by me when the rest of the world walked out.
You taught me that people make mistakes, but it's ok.

You made me realize that things will always get better; that you can never give up.


Your number is the one I dial when everything goes wrong.
Your voice is the only one I listen to when I just want to block the world out.
Your arms are the ones that make me feel hopeful.
Your hands are the ones that have wiped away the countless tears I've cried.
Your presance is the one that makes me feel the safest.
Your strength is the one that I envy.


We fight.
We argue.
We laugh.

We cry.
We listen.
We understand.



You are my mother, my best friend, my worst enemy, my guardian, my angel, my hero.
I love you, Mama.

If You'd Just Realize What I Just Realized.

So, I've decided that falling in love with your best friend is simply inevitable.
Or at least falling madly and deeply into lust that just happens to last for 3+ years.

The sucky part is that you know it, but you don't want to take the chance of telling this certain best friend because you don't want the awkwardness if they don't feel the same.
But then it drives you crazy all the time because you're always trying to make sure that no one figures out your secret;

That no one notices the way he makes you smile, or the way he makes me you laugh when no one else can.
You don't want people to see the comfort you get from his hugs, or the way you look at him with love in your eyes.
No one needs to know how you feel because it could ruin it all.
But what if; what if he did feel the same?

What if he tries to hide his feelings just like you do?

The what if's will swarm your mind like a bee hive, but can you really afford to take that chance?

It gets so frustrating because EVERYONE can see it but him.
No matter how hard you try to hide it, they see right through you.
They're always asking; poking and prodding away at your friendship, just waiting for it to turn into something more.
But if they only knew...
If you only knew...
If he only knew...

Everybody Needs Somebody.

All this time you've been on my mind.
It seems like I haven't crossed yours even once.
Your smile is burned into my memory.
Do you even remember me?

Do you ever think of me?

It feels like everything we had just disappeared.
Sometimes I'm glad about that.

I start to think of all the opportunities I'll have without you.
I remember all of the good times I had before you came around.
I wonder about the future without you in it...
And then my mind comes up blank.

I just can't picture you not being there for me.

And I get scared because I don't want to be alone.
What happens if life doesn't turn out the way I want it to?

What happens if I don't even know what I want?

I don't think I do anymore.
Or is it that I just don't want to accept what I know?

Do I know what I should do; what would be better in the end?

Everytime I get this far, I stop.
I just don't know what to think anymore.

What happens if it's not like they say?
What if you let someone go, but when you realize that they are who you need; who you want with every little part of yourself; they've decided that they don't want you anymore?

What if?

You Live To Die.

My goal in life is to be able to look back and know that everything I did, and every choice I made was what I really wanted.

I want to know that I lived to please myself and not anyone else.

I want to be able to honestly tell myself that every little thing that I went through has made me stronger.

I want to know that I learned from every hardship and struggle.

I want to be able to say that I'm happy with the way I lived my life.

I want to know that I'm comfortable with myself; flaws and all.

I want to know that I did the best I could.

I want to know that I lived my life to the fullest.

I want to know that I smiled as much as I could;

That I laughed as hard as possible;

And that I cried as many tears as I could muster.

I want to be able to say that I had the best friends a person could ask for.

And that even my enemies weren't that bad.

I want to know that I loved and lost.

And after that, I loved again.

I want to know that I proved people wrong;

That I went beyond expectations.

I want to be able to say that I fought for what I thought was right;

That I stood up for the people that couldn't stand up for themselves.

Especially the ones I cared about.

(And that I beat a few people's asses along the way!)

I want to be able to admit that I didn't do it all on my own.

I want to be able to openly give thanks to the people who poked, prodded, pushed, and shoved me to be the best I could be.

I want to know that there were people that completely changed my life; for better or for worse.

And I want to know that I changed someone else's life too.

I want to know that I put a smile on someone's face and made their day.

I want to know that I helped at least one person in some tremendous way.

I want to know that I felt remorse for the people that I hurt.

And that in the end, karma kicked me in the ass for hurting them in the first place.

I want to know that I didn't give up the things that I wanted in life.

I want to have memories that I'll never forget and photos I'll never get rid of.

I want to be able to tell my children, children's children, and even their children that I had amazing adventures.

That I learned my lessons.

And that even though I did "everything the hard way" as my mom liked to put it, it was all worth it.

My life was worth it.

Because it will be.

I'll make sure of it.

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs.

Have you ever noticed that memories can be the best things in the world, or the worst? Some make you smile, reminisce, and wish for the old days. Others make you cry, regret, and want to die. Times that once seemed so wonderful are the times that kill you in the end. The fact that they last forever is horrifying. Why would you want to go through the pain of remembering every single day? The good times, let 'em roll, but why the good times that make you cry? Why do they always pop up first? And at the worst times....

There are times when I just want to pull all the memories out of my head and put them in a box so I shove them back at certain people. I want to just say, "Take them, I don't need them," so I can forget. But the things you want to forget the most are the ones that just won't go away. The people you want to forget are the ones that keep coming back in the end. How the hell are you supposed to know which ones to keep? Which ones are you supposed to let come back? Which ones are you supposed to keep away? Why the hell does life do this to people? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of memories. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of the hurt and the lies. But it keeps coming back. It always comes back in the end.

Counting Stars.

Sometimes, life isn't so wonderful.

I think we've all realized that. It's hard to deal with the things thrown at us. But we try. Trying isn't always good enough though. Sometimes, you just have to deal with what you get and go with it. Learn from the mistakes you made that got you in that situation. Find the people that truley care. Let go of the ones that aren't there when you really need them the most.

It's hard. Probably one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Letting go of someone that you believed in, trusted, loved... there's no way to do it easily. It will always end in tears and heartache. You'll want to believe your emotions, but you know in your heart that it's time. Keep your head up high and hope, that one day, that someone might come back. Remember, that if they don't, they don't deserve you. Cherish the good memories you have. Let go of the past and stop thinking about what could've been. You're here and there's no going back... only going forward. Make the steps you take count for something. Look for the good when it's hardest to find. Even if it's just the fact that the sun's out... capture it and try to make it worth something.

A really wonderful person once told me, "Everything gets worse before it gets better. And sometimes you can't imagine how bad it can get. But then, one day, when you're least expecting it, something will go right. Then you realize that it's going to get better. You just have to wait for that day to come because it always will."

Times get harder and things change. There's nothing you can do about that. Have hope that it will get better. Know in your heart that someone out there cares enough to try to help you. People will always stab you in the back, but you have to realize that it's not going to happen everytime. Force a smile, and one day, you won't have to anymore. One day, it'll be real. Just don't give up. Ever. Know that you can do whatever it takes to get what you want.

And remember, you were only given this life because you're strong enough to live it.