Note To The Dreamers;

To those of you who say that love doesn't hurt, you're wrong.

Love's not supposed to hurt, but when someone that you love makes it krystal crystal clear that they don't care about you anymore, it HURTS.

Love doesn't just stop... If you love someone, it's going to hurt for a looong time.

You're going to want with all of your heart to stop caring, but if it's love, no matter how badly you want or how hard you try, you won't stop caring.

You can pretend, but it's always going to be there tearing you apart from the inside out.

And once it eats away at your heart enough, you're going to beg God to stop the tears and just stop the pain.

But it doesn't stop.

It never stops.

Make me believe;

Whisper me sweet nothings.
Make me believe
That you're something different;
That you can set me free.
Free from all the pain I've felt;
From all the things I've seen.
Set me free from what's inside.
Set me free from what is me.

Take me to places
That are only in my dreams.
Take me away from here,
From this reality.
Show me all the places
Where I should really be.
Convince me that where I am
Is not good enough for me.

Tell me that I'm worth it;
That I'm worth this life I live.
Tell me you're here for me
Because no one ever did.
No one ever proved themselves
The way I want you to.
I needed more than what they gave
So now it's up to you.

Make me want to stay.
Give me a reason.
Tell me something's worth it;
That there's something to believe in.
Be here for me
Just prove your not the same
Because I don't think that I can take
Another heartbreak game.

Just As Great As You;

I wish I could be beautiful.
I wish I could be wonderful.
I wish I could be just as great as you.

I wish I could make him smile.
I wish I could make him laugh.
I wish I could be just as great as you.

I wish I could be intelligent.
I wish I could be witty.
I wish I could be just as great as you.

I wish I could be adventurous.
I wish I could be fun.
I wish I could be just as great as you.

I wish I could be wanted.
I wish I could be loved.
I wish I could be just as great as you.

I wish that he would want me.
I wish that he would care.
I wish that he would miss me.
I wish that he was here.

I wish that he would realize
That I tried so hard
To be just as great as you.

I'm Broken When I'm Lonesome.

I miss you, but I don't want to.
I love you, but I should hate you.
I think about you, but it kills me.
I cry over you, but not for you.
I wonder what I saw in you, but then I remember.
I pretend I don't care, but I know that I'm lying to myself.

I don't want to care about you anymore, ya know? I want to get over you, over this, over everything we ever had, more than I've ever wanted anything. I'm tired of hurting because of you. I'm tired of being told that it wouldn't hurt if I didn't really love you.

I wish that I didn't know that you never loved me. I wish that I didn't know that all those promises that I held on to so tightly were all really lies. I wish that it didn't have to be this way...

But then again, I do want it to be like this. I want to be glad that all of this is over. I want to smile and know that I'm strong enough to let go. I want to know that I deserve better than what you are; that I deserve more than what you could ever give.

But I miss the feeling of your arms wrapped around me. I miss how the sound of your voice would comfort me during the toughest times. I miss how comfortable I could be when I was around you. I miss how I could let the real me show, and still feel wanted.

I'm scared I'll never find that again. I'm scared that I'll never find someone who will make me feel the way that you did. I'm scared that I'm not good enough; that I don't deserve better. I'm scared that no one else will want me because you've damaged me so much in these past seventeen months. I'm scared that I'll never be able to trust again, and that I'll ruin any chance of having someone who will be willing love me unconditionally because of that.

What if you've ruined me? You stole my pride, my self-confidence, my innocence, my self-worth, my life. You tore me away from what little bit of myself I had found, and expected me to go on the way you wanted. You ripped pieces of my happiness away every chance you got. And I let you. I let you break me.

What if I can't put myself back together again?

I don't want to be broken anymore.
I don't want to be lost anymore.
I don't want to be weak anymore.

But I don't want to be alone, either.

Perfection is just a misconception.

For some odd reason, I've been really thinking about what I need in a relationship. I mean, the kind of person that I would have to be with to be happy.
It sounds really bad to me when I say something like that, but it's the truth.
I mean, don't we all need certain things in a person? From the most detailed things like blue eyes or a nice smile to something as vague as 'they have to make me laugh.'
Well, here's a letter to that perfect someone that I've yet to meet...



My darling,

I'm so glad that I've come to meet you. Your smile brightens my day more than the sunshine ever could. The way you make me laugh through the waterfall of tears that run down my cheeks oh-so-often mesmerizes me. I love the way that I feel when I'm in your arms; safe and warm, knowing that the world could never come between us. No, you would never let that happen. You care for me too much to ever let anything come between us.
You know, you're the one that made me realize that someone really cares for me; that not everyone I care for ends up leaving me. Never before has anyone been able to prove that to me, but I trust you. I trust you with my whole heart because I know that you understand what pain is, just as I do, and that you would never hurt me like the others have. I don't know how you do it sometimes; putting up with my every split-second mood swing, the tears that fall for absolutely no reason, and the way you manage to understand that when I yell it's because I'm hurt. I don't know how you understand me so well, but I thank God every day that you do.
I know we have our fights sometimes, and it means so much to me that you take the time to listen to me when I'm upset. It means even more to me that you don't just walk out because you can't take it. I know that I can be a bitch, and I'm sorry, but sometimes things just get so hard... you understand, don't you? Of course you do, you always do.
Your eyes take me to places that I've never been, ya know? When I look into them, twinkling like stars in the midnight sky, I fall away to a place straight from a fairy tale. And all the while, I know that you see right through every wall that I try to put up. You break them down just to get to me; to save me from myself.
I hope you know that the little things you do, holding my hand as we walk in the darkness, opening the car doors, picnics in the park with the autumn leaves surrounding us, they're worth more to me than any amount of money could ever be. (They're even worth more than diamonds!) [:D]
You care for me, I can see it in your every move. You don't need to prove that to me. You don't need to prove anything to me. I know that you're amazing. I know that you can be tough when you need to, you don't have to threaten and fight every guy that looks my way. I'm yours, only yours, so don't be jelous, okay?
Endless conversations about absolutely nothing make me feel more comfortable in your presance than I feel in anyone elses. I know that you won't laugh at my silly ideas or stupid questions. We can argue about pointless things that neither of us really know the answer to and still end up laughing about it all in the end. You always find a way to make everything make sense to me; even algebra! I love it.
You have no idea how much you mean to me, my love. I can't wait until I find you.

Until then, I'll be waiting for you here,

Jessica Autumn Caputo