Forgiving Doesn't Mean Forgetting.

for·give·ness
noun
1. act of forgiving; state of being forgiven.
2. disposition or willingness to forgive.

I'm starting to realize that in order to get through the rest of this year, the rest of my life for that matter, I have to let myself forgive.
There are so many people that I don't believe deserve to be forgiven; so many people that I believe have hurt me past the point of forgiveness.

But, nonetheless, I'm not going to get anywhere unless I do this.

And, in the end, I know that if I can do this I can do absolutely anything.
If I can bring myself to let go of the hurt and bring myself to trust that everything really does happen for a reason, I can finally move on and be happy.
There are so many things, people, lies - that it's going to be hard for me to let go of.
And I'm scared that I won't be able to.

But it's just another thing that I have to do.

I have to face my fears and learn to accept the things that have happened and make the best of what I've been given.

I have to forgive him for leaving me when I was so young; when there wasn't anything that I could've possibly done to deserve that kind of abandonment from someone who was supposed to care.

I have to forgive her for leaving me to lead her own life when I had no one else.
I have to forgive him for hurting me. For lying, cheating, and letting me get too deep into something that he would destroy so easily and guiltlessly.
I have to forgive her for being with him when I couldn't be; for unknowingly taking away the one bit of happiness i had left.
I have to forgive myself for letting it go as far as it did, for believing in him; for lying to myself, for hurting everyone, for making a decision based on other people's beliefs, for letting myself down.

I have to let it all go.
Hopefully I can do this.

Because I'll be trying my damnest.