I'm Miserable Up Here Without You.

[written August 2, 2008 @ 5:47 am.]

My darling;


What I wouldn't give to see your bright innocent eyes looking up at me today.
I can only imagine what it would be like to place your tiny new hand in my own.

I wish I would've gotten the chance to hold you. To see you. To have you.

You deserved better.
You deserved everything.

You'll never know the hurt I feel for not being able to give you everything.

I would die to see the glow on your face that would accompany that first smile.

I would kill to have you back; to feel that connection only you and I could've shared.
I'd do anything.

I hope you know that I think of you every day.

I cry for you often.

I dream of you constantly.

I wish you knew how much I truly wanted you to stay.

I wish you would've gotten the chance to see the sunshine dance along the ground.

I wish you could've felt raindrops falling onto your rosy cheeks.

I wish you had gotten the chance to smell a lovely summer rose; one that could never compare to your beauty.

Forgive me for what I've done.
I never meant to hurt you.

I only wanted what was best for the both of us.

I'm sorry for letting you go so easily.
I'll never forgive myself.

I knew you better than you thought, you see.
I've seen those hazel eyes and that thick auburn hair of yours.

I knew you loved to smile; that smile that would've made all of the boys go wild.
You were as perfect as anyone could be.

I hope that you know that I'd take it all back if I could.

If I could just do it all over, you would be here with me right now...but that's something I can't do, no matter how badly I want to.
So, I'm stuck wishing you were here and kicking myself for letting this happen.

I'm so sorry that I let you down.

Love always & forever,

Your mother.